Bad Bandster

I have been soooo busy at work.  The weather has been very cold which makes my job a bit hectic.  I have not been on Blogger once since my last post many many moons ago. 

Well the weight loss front has not been pretty.  I haven't gained or lost.  I am pretty much holding my own.  It's a bit frustrating.  I feel like I have control over my eating but I don't feel that I have what I need for weight loss.  I am scheduled for my 2nd fill on Friday March 11th.  My doctor's office is not aggressive enough with fills.  I have read that many bandsters have had several fills since their surgery date.  I have had one.  I was banded on December 1st.  I am happy with my progress so far but I have a lot more to go.  Pre-surgery I was 237.  Surgery date I was 227.  Today I am 201.  I have been 201 and 200 the entire month of February.  I dealt with the same issue last month.  I was pretty much 207 the entire month of January.  I would like to get this moving along a bit quicker!!

Hope everyone is doing well....I will try to catch up on reading.  Have a wonderful weekend.

Tracy

Crazy weather

I live in the mountains of Northern California about an hour west of Tahoe.  Snow here is not uncommon, but it doesn't come in great quantities.    Well yesterday snow came to town and let me tell you it was absolutely insane.  It dumped like crazy in a 45 minute time frame.  Major highway closed, cars abandoned, power outage, wrecks galore.  We have a nice break going on right now.....but it's coming back. 

Here's wishing for spring to come visit soon!!  This is my back yard at sunrise.  I am ready for suntans and flip-flops!!!  Happy Friday everyone.  Have a wonderful weekend.

Size 14 jeans

but muffin-top reborn.  My 16s are getting baggy.  Thought I'd try a 14 today.  They are snug and I have a muffin-top, but I don't care!!!  I think feeling a little snug will be incentive to try to eat well don't you think??

Date Night

I had a wonderful date night with my husband last night, just the two of us.  I love spending alone time with him.  I endulged in too much drink and rich foods (not too much).  Today I don't care because my band gives me the freedom to do that!  NO GUILT!  I love my band and the new life it has given me.

BYOC

1. What day of the week do you love and what day of the week do you hate?
   I love Saturday.  For me it's the end of the work week and it's a nice day for family time and it's still early in the weekend.  We always try to do something fun for the kids on the weekend and Saturday is usually our day.  I love Sunday too, but not as much.  The day I hate the most is Monday morning.  I hate getting back into the work routine after staying up too late over the weekend.  I hate leaving the house to go to work after being home all weekend.  I hate getting up at 4:45 Monday morning to do all of my morning routine (5 lunches to make everyday). 
2. What is your middle name and is there a meaning behind it?
   Marie.  I don't think that there is any meaning behind it.  It seems that most of the women in my family have this middle name.  It was my Grandma's middle name so more than likely we were named after her.  It's funny how many women have this middle name.
3. Since I’m dreaming of my next tattoo, I’m going to ask this one. Do you have any tattoos? How many? If you don’t have one – what would you get if you did have one?
   I have NO tattoos.  My mom raised me to be such a prude!  I have toyed with the thought of getting one though.  I just cannot decide what to get.  It would probably be on my hip, something just for me.  I haven't committed because it's a forever decision.  My husband wants me to get his name and I do not want his name.  I know if I decided on a design that didn't include his name it would cause hurt feelings so I have just decided to put it off for now.  DRAMA!!
4. On that same theme of dirty little secrets…how many piercings do you have? Any you wish you had?
   The only piercings I have are my ears, I have two holes in each ear, but I only wear one.  The second hole gets infected when I try to wear those.  I got the 2nd holes for my 12th birthday.  It was an 80's thing.  Although I see lots of people with multiple ear piercings now too....my 17 year old son wants two in each of his ears.  NOOOOOO!!!!!
5. Repeat question: Summarize your life in blog land and in real life.
   Blog land and real life are pretty much one in the same - very busy.  I don't have too much time to Blog and as a result I don't think I will ever have the wonderful blogland relationships that seem to develop.  I blog at work and work is so busy.  Blogging varies for me.  Sometimes I wish that I had a lot of time to dedicate to meet some awesome people dealing with the same situation as me but I also am a realist.  You get what you give and I just do not give enough to warrant getting a lot back.  Make sense????  The realist in me has decided that my blog is going to be for me.  It's going to be my daily journal to look back on one day and allow me to appreciate my new body and my new life.(when I get there).  I love comments, but I am not going to be waiting anxiously for them any longer.  It's for me.   My real life is all about my family and my job.  I am definitely the matriarch of both locations and I feel it!  I have so many people that depend on me.  In my personal life I taught my kids to be too dependent on me.  Man do I pay for that now!  I love to take care of them though.  I understand that my everyday life with them is very limited because one day they will be grown and gone.  I relish every day.  I lost a child 18 years ago.  She was just 3 years old.  I don't take life for granted any longer. I am very much involved in my kids' lives on a daily basis; helping with homework, running them to their sports games, etc. etc.  I love my life.  I finally have met the man of my dreams.  He treats me like a queen.  He loves me exactly the way I am and makes life so fun.  What more could a girl ask for???  I cannot wait to spend forever with him. :-)

The scale psyched me out today!

So this morning I jumped on the scale like I do ten times everyday!!!  Anyway...I was jazzed because I saw Onederland.  Low and behold there it was right before my eyes.  I weighed in at 198.5.  I actually jumped deep into Onederland overnight!  I told my husband to look, even thought about jumping off to grab the camera and take a picture.  I felt super skinny in that moment....until I got off the the scale and saw it read -4 instead of 0.  The scale had freaked out and made me 4 pounds under my actual weight.  Today I was actually 202.  I cussed that scale out and even thought about chucking it right into the lake!  Hubby and I had a great laugh about it afterwards!!!

It's ok!!!!!  I am getting closer and closer.  It's right around the corner! 

What's your approach?

How are you handling this whole new lifestyle?  Are you staying to a strict diet, allowing the lap band to be a tool to help you not feel deprived or are you eating whatever you wish and again-allowing the lap band to be a tool to eat less?

I have been on a diet my entire life.  Basically if I didn't watch what I ate, I gained.  I would try to hard to plan out my day and stick to it, but I felt deprived and usually ended up gorging towards the end of the day.  Needless to say anytime I lost weight it was great but I ended up gaining it back, plus much more.  You all know the routine. 

Up to this week I had been kind of just doing whatever.  During the whole mushy food phase I was eating foods that I would not have even dreamed about eating pre-band.  Small portions of anything were working for me.  I have managed to take off 25 pounds. 

Now that I am eating whole foods again things have been different.  I am still losing (pounds and inches) but slower.  I am OK with this.  My doctor told me to plan on two years to meet goal.  Nice and easy will win the race.  It seems that I lose my weight in one big chunk during the month.  I flutter back and forth for a majority of the month and then all at once 5 pounds will come off, putting me at a whole new low.

After reading a few logs I am wondering if I should have a different approach.  Many bandsters are counting calories, sticking to around 1200.  I try not to eat "crap" food but I have never counted calories.  I watch portion control and make wise choices.  I don't want to fill the space with something less than wholesome.  I want to eat for nutritional reasons, not just because I want to eat.  I logged my food on Monday and Tuesday.  I went over the 1200 calories each day.  I logged 1700 calories.  Last night I planned my Wednesday food and logged it.  Today I packed what was logged last night.  I think I will be able to come in around 1200 calories.  Now I have managed to take off 3 pounds this week going over the 1200 calorie allotment so it must be OK.  I think it's working for me....but for how long?   Right now I have had one fill, I believe only 1cc.  I had a nice feeling of restriction for about 2-3 days.  I am getting back to the point of being able to eat what I want, but I let my mind be in control.  Next fill isn't until March 11th.  Will the fills eventually build up and allow you to feel restriction longer?

Basically the way I look at it is being banded was a lifestyle change.  I want to be able to set my mind free.  I don't want weight and food to be constantly wearing on me.  I don't want to feel guilt and remorse any longer.  I want eating to become survival, not a hobby. 

Your thoughts?????